| You know the situation: There you are at a | | | | here. You can't be a selfish, arrogant person |
| business or social function and you end up | | | | and be successful. I am talking true |
| with someone who you have never met before. | | | | well-rounded success, not just collecting a |
| Some people get amazingly uncomfortable with | | | | pot full of money.The best way to describe |
| this situation because they simply don't know | | | | this process is to write out a mock |
| how to start or carry on a conversation. Yet | | | | conversation. You will notice the kinds of |
| successful people are always going to find | | | | questions I would ask, when I find a |
| themselves in these kinds of situations | | | | connection, and how I would go in that |
| because they are always stretching themselves | | | | direction."Hi, I'm Chris Widener. What is |
| and putting themselves into situations to | | | | your name?""Joe Schmoe.""Well, Joe, what do |
| help them and their businesses grow and that | | | | you do for a living?""I sell insurance." |
| means meeting new people. So if you are going | | | | (Possible connection here. Everybody has |
| to be successful, one thing you have to get | | | | insurance)"Oh yeah? What kind of |
| down is how to talk to anybody, anytime. Good | | | | insurance?""I insure Oil rigs in the Adriatic |
| news: It is easier than you think!First, a | | | | Sea." (Whoops. Lost connection)"Wow. That's |
| couple of things not to do. One, don't get | | | | must be fascinating. Married or kids, Joe?" |
| flustered and excuse yourself. That is the | | | | (I have a wife and kids, maybe we can show |
| easy way out, and you never know if you | | | | pictures)"No, actually, I'm single." (It |
| didn't just leave who would have become your | | | | isn't looking good yet)"So, who do you know |
| best friend or closest business associate. | | | | here at the party?""Well, nobody. I am the |
| Stick around! Secondly, don't start talking | | | | brother of the host's accountant. I'm in town |
| about yourself. Sure, introduce yourself, but | | | | for a week and my brother had to make an |
| don't launch into a half-hour monologue about | | | | appearance." (It is going in the wrong |
| your accomplishments. The other person will | | | | direction here)"So where are you |
| either roll their eyes back into their head | | | | from?""Nebraska." (Bingo, there it is. The |
| or simply give you a new nickname: Joe "let | | | | connection! Now let's go in that |
| me tell you a story about myself" Schmoe. | | | | direction)"Really? My dad was from Nebraska. |
| This leads me to the key.Talk about the | | | | Even though he died when I was four, my |
| person you have just met. Don't talk about | | | | grandmother used to take me back to visit my |
| yourself - talk about them! And the key is to | | | | relatives every summer growing up. It sure |
| ask questions. Now, there are obviously some | | | | was a lot of fun. Were you city folk, or did |
| people you just will not be able to talk to | | | | you live on a farm?""I grew up on a pig |
| because they are absolute bores or they are | | | | farm.""That's what my relatives did! As a kid |
| angry or upset or something, but I have found | | | | I always wanted to ride one of those sows. |
| that that is only about 1% of the people, if | | | | Luckily my uncles never let me attempt |
| even that. For the most part, if you persist | | | | it."There you are. Now just start asking |
| in asking questions, you will be able to talk | | | | questions about what they did growing up, how |
| to anybody, anytime.There are three segments | | | | they liked it etc.If you get adept enough at |
| to this process:Ask questions.Find | | | | asking questions of others, you will |
| connections.Go in those directions.What you | | | | inevitably find a connection to talk about. |
| are trying to do is to find common ground. | | | | And having something in common with someone |
| What makes people afraid to talk to others is | | | | is the start to a long and mutually |
| that they are afraid they won't have anything | | | | beneficial relationship - one of the |
| in common. I have found that usually, if you | | | | foundations of success!I am in a career where |
| ask questions for a minute or two, you can | | | | I meet new people all the time and this is |
| always find a connection with someone, and | | | | exactly what I do. I am no better |
| then you're set. The worst that could happen | | | | conversationalist than most of you. It is |
| is that you ask the person questions for a | | | | just a proven way of getting a relationship |
| few minutes and find nothing. But what will | | | | off the ground with someone you have just |
| that person tell others? That you seem to | | | | met.Here it is again:Ask questions, find |
| have a genuine interest in others. That is a | | | | connections, go in those directions. |
| great reputation to have!That is another key | | | | |